This week, we're shifting gears a bit to look at spouses in guilds. Whether they met online or not, married couples can affect a guild differently from individual members. And when one spouse is in a position of power, things can get even more complicated. Read on for a look at how to avoid having the MMO version of Heidi and Spencer in your guild.
A package deal?
Even before they're tagged in guild, spouses can pose a unique problem for a guild leader. The vast majority of married couples who play MMOs choose to play in the same guild together, which means they're pretty much a package deal. Guild leaders are faced with the sometimes difficult choice of having to take both or neither, and if one spouse doesn't quite meet the requirements, that's an unenviable decision. There is really no right or wrong answer, because you have to weigh the guild's focus with the couple's desire to play together. If you've set up a guild atmosphere where progress comes first, then you might need to risk losing both by only offering an invite to one. As long as you're consistent with your guild philosophy, you'll avoid a lot of drama down the road.
When one is good and the other isn't.
No matter what your policy is on spouses and guild invites, chances are if you've ever been a guild leader, you've played with a couple that has a weak link. And no matter whether you're hardcore or casual, if you are focused on progress in the game, you can't lower your standards to the point that the weaker spouse stalls your guild. Wherever you set the bar, it has to be consistent for the entire guild, and being married to a great player cannot affect that. The challenge is to be proactive with a situation like that, and if you see hints that one (or both) spouses are disgruntled, you need to address it right away. Hopefully you were upfront during the recruitment process so your intervention doesn't come as a surprise. Depending on your leadership style, you might even choose to offer help on non-raid nights if the spouse has potential to improve. The important part is that those in guild who are pulling their own weight don't feel that you're playing favorites and making unfair concessions that allow one individual to raid based on his or her relationship to another.
The dreaded lobby group
When it comes to loot or important guild decisions, spouses are also different from individual members. It's hard enough to talk to a single member over a disputed loot call, but when it's a spurned member and his or her spouse, it can be a nightmare. Likewise, when it comes time to make a difficult decision on a guild policy, spouses can sometimes turn into lobby groups, causing a lot of pressure and stress on a leader. The tricky thing for a guild leader is trying to explain his or her position while walking through a marital minefield. Push too hard and you run the risk of spouse-rage over a perceived insult. On the other hand, if you successfully convince one spouse of your position, you could unintentionally create stress within the marriage itself. A lot of this can be avoided if you've established a consistent playstyle and loot system that everyone is on board with, but being mindful of the intricate relationships that exist in your guild will help when you're trying choose what approach to take on a particular guild issue.
I have to say, I'm a very lucky guildleader, because my husband and I have always played MMOs together and he's never pressured me to promote him to a leadership position. On the contrary, he actually prefers not to be an officer, because he doesn't care for the responsibility that comes with the job. That's not to say that he's not extremely helpful -- he's probably one of our best team players and someone whose advice I trust when it comes to management issues. But I have met several married guild leaders and officers who do face pressure from their spouses to get promoted. The easy answer, of course, is that nepotism is extremely dangerous and almost always creates drama. But denying a spouse a promotion to officer, even if justified, brings some potential consequences later on when you log out. As we discussed before, one of the best ways to mitigate this is to make sure officer tags aren't seen as status symbols. If you present ranks for what they really are, it becomes less of an issue. At the same time, the power structure in game can't affect the relationship out of game. Being a bossy guild leader might work for you in game, but it doesn't always work so well during dinner time.
A marriage that games together, stays together
We've talked about a lot of dangers and potential issues of having spouses in guild, but overall, I've come across a lot more helpful and supportive married couples than I have negative and divisive. Couples that played together have almost always been helpful in creating a solid, positive guild atmosphere. And while it's hard to say for sure, it seems like couples that enjoy playing together in game tend to have an even more solid relationship as a result. While there are some definite dangers when it comes to couples and guilds, many of them can be avoided as long as a leader is upfront, clear, and consistent. A married couple might have different game goals than an individual member, but it's the overall guild philosophy, not self-interests, that has to come first.
Do you have a guild problem that you just can't seem to resolve? Have a guild issue that you'd like to discuss? Every week, Karen Bryan takes on reader questions about guild management right here in The Guild Counsel column. She'll offer advice, give practical tips, and even provide a shoulder to lean on for those who are taking up the challenging task of running a guild.
