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Reader Comments (36)

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 8:15AM (Unverified) said

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I haven't actually, but I'll never forget one night I was in a PUG in DDO. It was open mic night in the trailer park somewhere. Some guy got aggro really bad, and the whole group was treated to the entire encounter via his headset which included profanity, screaming and things breaking before the guy finally lost connection. It was like the time you were at your friends house when he got spanked all over again. (You know you laughed.)

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 8:31AM DarkMellie said

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My wife struggles with it, but my previous addictions were hard drugs and women so she's knows this is much healthier!

To be honest, half the problem with any previous partners have been that they themselves don't have a hobby and expect you to sit and stare at the TV because that's 'spending time together'. I spend two nights a week with my wife talking, playing on the wii, watching television and cuddling... the rest of the time I do my own thing (apart from naughty stuff which is always welcome).

Gaming is too enjoyable to give up.. and any woman who asked me to give up gaming for her is not the kind of person I want to be around

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 8:39AM SiML said

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Its not so much the domestic aggro (although that is funny) but when partner you've introduced to the game becomes your ex-partner and decides to hunt you as your nemesis in-game. :o

Like the article picture depicts: " You shouldn't of left me &%$£ !!!"

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 8:41AM SkuzBukit said

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If you don't have a gaming spouse or a very understanding one then gaming can be a huge source of friction, but so can any hobby that takes up a lot of attention, the reason I think gaming gets as much spouse aggro as it does is I think because it's a hobby you get into under their very nose, if you are out golfing or fishing etc you aren't right there not paying them attention, spouse's find it easier to handle hobbies that mean you simply aren't around, & those hobbies may even give the relationship a bit of extra spark through that mystical "I missed you today factor" this doesn't happen with gaming so it can be doubly annoying for a spouse to deal with no upside other than they know exactly where you are.

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 12:35PM (Unverified) said

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For that very reason I bought a gaming laptop. I noticed that I could go over to my brothers to throw down some hardcore titan throne for hour on end without so much as a bat of her eyelash. If im sitting on the couch playing for even an hour though its a whole nother story! Her common complaint was she didnt know when she could ask me a question or if she would be interrupting me doing something that requires my full concentration.
For some reason it is easier for me to not be around than to be, as she puts it, on display but behind plexiglass.
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Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 9:43AM (Unverified) said

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I use to, but I read some wise words from another gamer who said, "Whatever I was doing, if my GF needed my attention, I would immediately give it to her. Turn from the screen and talk to her." I do that now and she has no problems with my gaming. I of course tell the people I am playing with that I am going AFK for a bit. And now actually she will look at the screen and make sure that I am not in the middle of some battle before talking to me. Communication is a great thing.

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 10:35AM drakon said

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This is **EXACTLY** it.

My wife (9 years in October) does not play games at all. The only time its ever been a source of friction (about 7 years ago) was because I was so focused I wouldn't hear her say something or ask me a question. I've gotten smarter since then...

I've learned that I have *almost* as much gaming time as I want if I remember she is more important. If she says something I ignore my PC and look at her. If I die, I die and so be it. If she wants me to take the garbage out, I drop everything and go. Yes she does understand, so if I say "give me 1 minute to get to a safe spot" then thats ok as long as its ONLY a minute and not an hour. If she want to go to the mall to use her Victoria's Secret birthday coupon then I log out and go (duh!).

Bottom line: Realize she is WAY more important than any game and you'll end up with more gaming time and less nagging than you would otherwise.
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Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 9:00AM (Unverified) said

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I have a ex-gf I got way into WoW.

However she lacked her own computer and decided to take mine over constantly.

Hence ex.

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 9:11AM VioletArrows said

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When I played WoW, the whole "I'm paying for it so now I have to get my money's worth" was a severe problem, and my boyfriend hated it (both WoW and my "addiction"). Problem was solved when I 1)quit WoW, 2)moved to f2p, 3)found a game we can both play. Cept now I find DDO boring (and again, screw your realistic spiders sideways up a wall), and I have to figure out something new for us to do.

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 9:32AM Yukon Sam said

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I met my first wife on a message board system, and my second in Ultima Online. I give her more grief about her play habits than she gives me, which is to say, sometimes I pout at her when I have to eat alone. But not often.

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 9:24AM MrsAngelD said

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Myself and my hubby play games or not together. It's never been a source of friction. However my brother-in-law and spouse got into wow together and well she got WAY into it soooo into it that she had an affair with some dude she met on wow...let's just say they don't play wow together any more......

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 9:24AM Waxil said

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Always a tricky situation, if the partner is not a gamer then in their mind typically you're "spending more time with the game than with me".

Let's get real though folks, if your relationship isn't healthy enough for you both to have "me" time and independent hobbies then you have a bigger issue of toxic love going on.

That said there is a limit with gaming as much as with any other activity, you do have to make some "us" time. A successful and healthy relationship needs a balanced portion of both (where that balance lies will depend on the personality types involveD).

If you really want to be an awesome partner try spending a bit of time doing their hobbies as well (and vice versa), even if they don't particularly interest you.

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 9:28AM Suplyndmnd said

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Since i've gotten into MMO's i typically am with women who game as well. I've gotten RL aggro and at times interruptions from a girlfriend but it's awesome to be able to look at her and go "Honey, i'm in Dynamis for the next 2 hours so i'm sorry but I can't take the trash out right now" and this is considered a valid excuse. Thankfully some of the "spend time together" for the women i date means partying in game so that helps too as we both enjoy it. I think it helps that the women i date also want time out of game which is most certainly welcome. A healthy balance is always great.

The only time an argument came up with an ex was when she needed my RDM in Dynamis but my Einherjar team needed my SAM in... well, Einherjar. I didn't need anything from Dynamis so i went to Einherjar. "That's great that YOU don't need something but i bloody well do!" It escalated a bit but her LS was always late going in anyways so by the time Einherjar was up, i was able to make it to Dynamis anyways. (Where she got absolutely nothing, which was a point i made about 50 times)

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 9:26AM MrGutts said

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I only get aggro when she catches me playing a male toon in ANY game. She likes me playing Female toon because she likes to watch them kick ass. She absolutely hates games with no female avatars like any of the Battle Field games or other FPS.

Other than that, I can play in peace if I play a Female toon and whoop ass in the process.

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 9:32AM Platypus Man said

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My wife used to give me grief about how often I played. But then I reminded her I started playing MMOs at night because the only thing she wanted to do in bed was watch television. So, no more aggro. :P

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 9:33AM Valdamar said

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One of my ex-girlfriends used to give me aggro for how much time I spent gaming when we were together. She soon reconsidered after I started returning the aggro for how much time she spent watching X-Factor, Big Brother, soap operas etc. and then reading about them on websites or chatting to her friends about them.

Still looking for the holy grail - a gamer chick as a girlfriend :p

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 9:33AM Ripper McGee said

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I first started using the term "spouse aggro" 10 years ago during EQ 1, a game in which it was common to spend an hour or two being in game before you actually started "playing". I vividly remember being in Splitpaw with guildies, my wife coming in and giving me an ultimatum. It wasn't pretty...

~Ripper

p.s. this chart help! http://www.bbspot.com/News/2007/10/stop_playing_matrix_img.gif

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 11:43AM (Unverified) said

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My wife plays or watches me play Aion all the time

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 9:41AM Anski said

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I myself have been known to be the spouse that aggros, which is weird considering that I play the games too.
Pretty sure my problem stems from one of my past relationships, where I convinced my girlfriend at the time to an MMO with me, and for a while, things were great. We weren't living together at the time so it was a good way to keep in touch and do things without actually being together. Fast forward to about a year later, we are living in an apartment together and I am beginning to discover that she has a real addiction with this game. She never wanted to go out and do things anyway, so I think that made her connection with the game even stronger. Oh, and she never got a job while she was living with me, so basically I paid for her to live there and play games all day long while I toiled at work.
It started getting to the point where she would rather stay up and play the damn game than go to bed with me, to which I was quite offended. It wasn't just once in a while, it was every night.
Finally, I had to take a trip to New Jersey for work, 1 or 2 weeks (don't remember, it was 5 years ago). I have this kind of social anxiety that makes me immensely and illogically afraid to do new things or talk to new people, and this was going to be my first solo flight where I had to take care of everything myself. She knew I was stressing out about the whole thing - not only the travel aspect but the fact that the trip was to go to a "training camp" class with large exams. She knew all that but would never call me, and when I called her she had nothing to say and you could just tell she was trying to get off the phone with me. I was pretty devastated that the person that was supposed to love me was blowing me off for a game (and I know she was playing every time we talked on the phone).
When I got back home I finally decided to investigate what was so enthralling about the game to her. It is also the time that I found out that she was a cyber whore, and tried telling me it was "only RP" as an excuse. My ass. Only RP does not include getting mail and having the phone numbers of said persons she was giving her virtual bounty to.

Long story short, now I'm insecure about my significant other playing MMOs when I don't know the people or what she is doing. It can sometimes be a strain on us but I don't really know how to fix it!

Posted: Sep 3rd 2010 9:43AM kjhasdfjkhk said

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Not really, most of my girlfriends have played MMOs with my in the past, and were usually just as into them as I was. Also, I never lived with any of them.

I live with my current girlfriend now, though, and she's not into games as much as I am (though she still plays them), and she uses a Mac. Blah. I'm kind of dreading the next time I really get into an MMO. We'll see what happens...

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