Frigid night breeze sweeps through the Blizzard Overlord's grand chamber atop the highest tower of his headquarters, but he remains unaffected by the cold -- or anything else -- since his recent ascension to MMO godhood. The dark castle spans miles in every direction, built with the dedication and gold of millions of the Overlord's followers, tastefully decorated with the finest objects the world has to offer. He sits upon his throne, admiring the new gauntlets of his black, impossibly dense armor, forged from the souls of the faithful and the unbelievers alike -- the very image the Lich King was patterned after. A homage to his greatness. Pondering said greatness, he barely notices a panting, scraping sound as his Minion enters the grand chamber, taking a good three minutes to cross the vast room and reach the base of the Overlord's throne. The Minions dares not look his master in the face, genuflects and awaits the inevitable orders.
Blizzard Overlord: Minion! Report! What is the state of my World?
Minion: The MMO world is yours, my lord. World of Warcraft remains unassailable, and we claim more souls with every passing second... *hesitates a moment* Although there is the probl--
Blizzard Overlord: Massively! Is it Massively again?! Are they still harping on the impediment to my Wrath in China? *telekinetically hurls a ridiculously valuable 19th century ottoman across the room, which splinters against the wall* I can suffer their existence no longer. Execute them -- burn their faces first -- and melt the servers down into tombstones. Monuments to their heresy. And don't even think of mentioning Germany!
Minion: It shall be done my lord. I do, however, have a suggestion for how World of Warcraft can transcend all borders and appeal to gamers and non-gamers alike. If I may?
Blizzard Overlord: You may proceed.
Minion: You could co-opt the power of a multinational beverage conglomerate and tie World of Warcraft into that basic human need: thirst. No one will be able to resist the thirst for WoW. In time, the need to satisfy both intrinsic human needs will be intertwined.
Blizzard Overlord: An excellent suggestion, Minion. However, I do not want my legacy tied in with any simple (scoffs) cola. I will force Mountain Dew to carry my banner to the non-MMO masses, under the guise of "game fuel."
Minion: *eyes widen* "Game fuel!" Wonderful, my lord. It shall be glorious, even better than when Halo 3 adorned Mountain Dew cans. *realizes the mistake he's just made, closes eyes and holds breath, awaiting his incineration for such insolence. Nothing happens so he continues on, emboldened by his unexpected survival* The question that remains, if I may be so bold, is how to differentiate your legacy from the existing Mountain Dew brand. You could simply destroy them outright and re-offer your own --
Blizzard Overlord: No, Minion. Sometimes subtlety is needed rather than outright subjugation. I'll capitalize on their penetration into all global markets, but offer WoW to them in flavors. Bearing in mind that the great unwashed masses are easily confused, I shall keep this simple -- Alliance Blue and Horde Red. Millions more will become curious about World of Warcraft and slip within my grasp, I can already sense it. I will release the World of Warcraft gamer fuel in the summer, at an as-yet-unannounced date, when their thirst is strongest and their resistance is low.
Minion: *claps sycophantically* Now that the world beyond fantasy gamers will be yours, what next my lord?
Blizzard Overlord: *looks out at the night sky, and the stars above, reaches out to grasp at the heavens* Space. I'll conquer the universe with my "next gen" as-yet-unnamed title. *points at the Minion with unholy rage* And don't breathe a word of that until the press release! Leave me now.
The Minion, heart pounding in his chest and blood flowing like ice through his veins, backs out of the room for what seems an eternity while simultaneously attempting to bow. The Blizzard Overlord turns his back on the inconsequential and far too slow-moving speck and shifts his gaze to the celestial heavens above, already envisioning his ascension to the stars.
[Sorry. I won't do this again. Well, no I might.]
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