I have to disagree Kevin. I ask for help without spamming. I don't go out and look, until I haven't been answered after one question. I don't like to alt-tab out to chat or check wikis. Like I said, it ruins the immersion. It's totally immersing to ask another character where someone or something is, or how to do something. I don't bother people.
So I think you're a little off there.
You're right. You're not expected to answer.
No you can't ask "Why don't you go do it yourself?" Nothing helpful, do everyone a favor and try not to say it. It doesn't help them, it doesn't help you, it doesn't help the person looking for a group. Explorers who make maps and journals don't seem to say "Go do it yourself."