This is a topic we spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about, as seen in our previous ruminations on the subject. The rise of the MMO, and its continuing ascent to prominence in mainstream media, however, means that sooner or later, it will fall to the dreaded Remake Syndrome, where old classic movies are updated to fit modern sensibilities, often with disastrous results.To wit: if Game X was a huge hit, then why don't we revamp it and resell it as an MMO? Here are 5 examples why not.
Robotron 2084: You are the last protector of the human race against robots, mutants, and geometric shapes. Well, actually, you're just one of the last protectors. This is an MMO, after all. And in a game where everything that isn't you kills you when it touches you, and you're in an enclosed space with no way out, and the enemies just keep coming at you and coming at you ... well, the narrative possibilities are endless.
Space Invaders: Let's say you have a little tank, and it can only go left and right. Now say that you are facing down a wave of aliens who can also only travel from left to right. And now, let's say there are fifty people playing alongside you. To compensate, the system creates as many enemies as it needs to provide a fair challenge. What we end up looking at is a solid block of white along the bottom, and an equally solid, but much larger block of white descending from above. Congratulations, we've just created 'The Erosion of the Human Spirit, the MMO'. What? You just don't understand my ART, man!
Pac-Man: Imagine, if you will, a 3D maze of black fields and blue boundaries. You can only see what's directly ahead of you. Somewhere out there are 4 ghosts who are hunting you down. You, and the thousands of other online players inhabiting this maze with you. Sure, clearing the board might be easy with so many of you chomping away at the same time, but how far do you think you'll get when you're all sharing the same corridor, packed in like sardines? And the overwhelming din of 'wakawakawakawaka' will drive you insane eventually.
Missile Command: You have a turret. The other player has one too. And so does the other one. Yes, and the other one. Oh, hey, all those guys over there have one too! Wow, there sure are a lot of turrets out here. This moon colony is totally well-defended! The higher-ups must be expecting something really horrible to drop down from the sky, to put all of us out here on the line like this! I hope we can -- look! ICBMs! I'd better -- oh. Okay, good shot, guys! All of you guys. *sigh* When's lunch?
Frogger: You just want to get to the other side of the pond, but between you is Hell in the form of moving objects, ready to turn you into roadkill. Keep in mind that you have no defenses and no weapons. But you have your guild backing you up! Make your strategy: Alpha Team, take the right flank! Omega Squad, take the left! Delta Force, you're with me up the middle! Everyone, on my mark ... DIE!
